Saturday, 4 January 2014

SERENDIPITUOUS BEGINNINGS

HI SMEARS!!!


FIRST off I would like to wish you all a fabulously fashion forward new year. may whoever you believe to be your higher power bless you and guide you, offer you multitudes of support in all your dreams and give you that extra nudge you need to chase them.

I HAVE  been out of the loop for this entire season. partly because Christmas is a very hectic time for me and my family, but mostly because I really needed time to refocus myself and the direction that my life is headed. 2013 definitely wasn't an easy year. I dragged myself through school and I didn't really do as well as I had hoped I would. my excuse "I haven't fallen in love with what I'm studying". for the most part this was true. I hadn't fallen in love with it. in fact I seemed to curse every minute of it. somehow I still got a second chance to try again. and that says something. maybe if I put my back into it I might actually enjoy it, hell , I might actually be good at it. so that's exactly what I intend to do.

IT wasn't my year in the relationship sector as well. I stayed in a very troubled relationship for the mere fact that I didn't want to fail at it too. God knows I worked hard to maintain it, but sometimes things just don't go as planned. 2013 taught me that life is all about priorities. my priorities were all over the place. I'm not even sure I had any actually. I kind of just put my eggs in one basket and when those eggs cracked before they could hatch it all became one big mess. I could go on and on about how this guy broke my heart or I could just admit that things weren't a walk in the park for us. things didn't work out and I move on in the hope that the future has better things in store for me. that door is closed now. I'm taking things slow (for once). taking each day as it comes and not looking beyond that.

FRIENDSHIPS weren't easy either. I almost lost a few due to this messed up relationship of mine, but luckily I patched them up. admitting my mistakes and taking responsibility for my part in the argument. that's the beauty of friendship. it is unnatural to not fight with your friends. while some are going to take a lot longer to mend, most of my friendships are in tact and I'm on talking terms with all my sisters. yes sisters. because we are basically bred from the same cloth. I'm pretty sure we were separated at birth. I take comfort in knowing that we are so tight knit that only death can ever truly separate us.

HEADING into the new year I'm grateful for all that has happened both good and bad. I have grieved the loss of important people in my life and in the lives of those I love. the only good thing I ever saw in death was that people die only once they have left someone with a lesson or two. One never dies in vain because the way I see it, each life is given so it can give someone else life (you can either take this literally or see that I speak of giving life lessons not childbirth). it has been a roller coaster of emotions ranging from extreme rage to marvel at the essence of life. as cliche as it might sound, everything does happen for a reason. I now have nothing but a clean slate, thanks to these slightly less than happy accidents of life. I am single. no residual anger or hate consumes me. I have started to laugh more. I have a new perspective on life and on my, perhaps still naive, view on love. the whole point is to learn to love again. maybe 2014 shall be the year I learn to truly love myself again.

That's really my message to you guys too. before you try and project your idea of love into the universe, find out first what it really means to love someone or something. what better way than to start right at the root of the root of things. start with you. once again compliments of the New Year.

BYE SMEARS!!!